In addition to the usual list of life lessons (Don’t smoke, don’t use drugs, don’t carry a credit card balance), there are quite a few things I want to teach the Littlest Brewster. Most of these are things I wish she would learn quickly. Like…
-How to blow your nose on command
-How to cough on command and get that rattly junk out of your chest.
Or maybe we should just work on these concepts:
-Wiping your nose will not kill you. There is no reason to cry hysterically every time someone tries to get the snot off your face.
-The milk in the cup is the same as the milk in the bottle. It hasn’t magically changed into poison because its in a different vessel. I swear it is just as delicious as it used to be.
-Having your diaper changed is not worse than sitting in your own feculence all day. Nor is it child abuse. Running away from me only postpones the inevitable and is an exercise in futility.
-The corner cabinet is now and always will be off limits. Cry in front of it a much as you want, but you’re not getting a free pass to play with the Cuisinart blades that are stored there.
-You should be grateful that someone wants to rub you down with nicely scented lotion every night before bed. If I had someone doing that for me, I sure as heck wouldn’t flail about in an attempt to dissuade them from doing it. Enjoy it instead.
-Throwing your food on the floor or smashing it with your hands is not an appropriate way to say you’ve finished. A simple “All done” will suffice. Even a head shake would be a better choice.
I’m sure there are more, but these are the main “lessons” I wish LB would learn at the moment.
What do you wish you could teach your kid?