That’s not what I mean.
See, my friend Julie is the shit. And because she
is the shit has been through the grief process herself far too recently, she pointed out that attempting a Whole30 less than 1 month after losing my mom was perhaps not the best idea. As she said, it could be giving me “one more place to feel like a failure with all that you are going through. Be nice to yourself right now. Don’t give yourself more obstacles to fall on your face over.”
And she’s right.
I can’t do a Whole30 right now. Hell, I’m having a hard time with “Mostly Paleo” right now.
I thought I was handling Mom’s death pretty well. And I was, right after the fact. I was in crisis mode and I was on. Cook dinner for 8 people with 4 different diets? Got it. Manage laundry and clean clothes for 4 adults and 3 kids? No problem. Help my family through the beginning stages of the grief process and answer questions about how and why my mom died so quickly? I can do that.
And then a little time passed and I wasn’t needed so acutely. And I had time for my thoughts and memories and feelings. And i started not handling my mom’s death so well (In my opinion. Because Lord knows I am so forgiving of myself when I don’t meet my own impossibly high standards.) And I thought I needed a goal because I felt so lost.
But I didn’t. And I don’t.
I need time.
I need understanding and sympathy.
I need a little self-love.
So the Whole30’s on hold for bit.
I guess it was a little much to try and cut out alcohol and sweets when I’m trying to grieve, right?