It’s been awhile since I’ve discovered any new Truths about Motherhood. I’ve sort of been holding my own, making my way without incident. But recently, I realized one that I had never quite understood before: words hurt. A lot.
I’m sure some of you are like, “No shit Sherlock.” And I’m sure some of you are like, “What the heck are you talking about?” Well, let me explain.
Occasionally, the DreadBrewer and I argue. And when we do, one of us (usually me) will say something insensitive or rude or downright mean. And it hurts. But it’s part of the argument and it’s in the heat of the moment and, while it hurts, it fades. ((The fact that we can also say “I’m sorry I was an ass” helps.))
Recently, the Littlest Brewster has acquired quite a few new words, including (but certainly not limited to) “No” and “Go away.”
Yesterday morning, I went in to get her out of her crib and she immediately started to cry upon seeing me, wailing “No! No! Daddy! MORE DADDY!!!!” She was pretty much inconsolable and kept begging for Daddy.
And you know what? It was like a knife to the heart. I’m sure you think I’m exaggerating, but I seriously tear up thinking about it.
When she tells me to go away, it hurts.
When she requests every single other person she can think of, including the dog, rather than do something with me, it hurts. You’re telling me I rank lower than Jake?
And these are only a few examples of the not-so-nice things that LB has been saying to me lately.
I know she’s only almost two. I know she doesn’t really understand what she’s saying. I know its stupid to let my toddler hurt my feelings.
But I also know that insults or rejections from one’s child are an incredible blow to one’s self esteem. I can only imagine how much it must have hurt when I said such terrible things as a teenager to my mother and I can only hope that I’ll be able to keep it together when the same thing inevitably happens between me and the Littlest Brewster.
Who knew that even as a toddler my daughter’s words would be such a devastating weapon?