It’s back. And it’s worse than ever.
That damn chronic post-cold cough that I get every November/December has reared its ugly head yet again.
And this isn’t your ordinary chronic cough. This is The Cough. The one where, I swear to God, I will start to dry heave because I’m coughing so hard. I have a headache from coughing. My abs are sore. And every year it takes at least a few weeks to go away. And it’s pretty much unstoppable while it’s here.
When I was in college and far less intelligent than I am now, my go-to method for stopping my coughing fits was to have a cigarette. I don’t know why, but it would stop The Cough in its tracks. (At least temporarily.) I would be outside, hacking up a lung, trying to get my Marlboro Menthol Light lit, and enduring stares from strangers who were probably doubting my sanity. Not that I blame them.
Given that it has been years and years since I put down the death sticks, that means of cough suppression is out.
And given that it’s me and BIT now, most other highly effective means of cough suppression are out. Last year, a few nights of Tussionex were enough to kick the cough to the curb. Funnily enough, most OBs frown on the use of narcotics during pregnancy. Which leaves me with Mucinex and Robitussin. Both of which will get me 2 to 3 whole hours of uninterrupted sleep at a time before I wake up for a 45 minute coughing fit. Followed by 2 to 3 hours of sleep, followed by coughing. Repeat until 5:00 when I finally say screw it and get out of bed. ((Speaking of which, I know I look exhausted. I’m not sleeping, I’m coughing constantly, I’m pregnant, and I’ve seriously cut back on my caffeine intake. Telling me just how
shitty exhausted I look does not make me feel any more alert, more rested, or less likely to punch you in the throat.))
The Cough has taken on a new aspect this year, which may be its most charming one yet. Thanks to the location of my lemon-sized baby, I’m pretty much guaranteed to pee my pants at least once a day while coughing, if not more frequently. The DreadBrewer has ceased to be surprised when I get up at 2 am to change my PJs because I’ve coughed out some urine yet again. My coworkers just laugh when I stop mid-stride and tightly cross my legs prior to coughing. (Not that it really helps, but still. I’ve got to try…) And something that baffles me – I can literally have just peed and I can still wet myself while coughing. What’s up with that?!?
At least I know The Cough is nearing the end of its yearly visit. It’s been two weeks now. The end has got to be near, right? Right?!?