As I mentioned in yesterday’s post, last night was the baby shower my coworkers threw for me. It was awesome and everyone was incredibly generous without grumbling about getting diapers and wipes and other practical, not fun presents.
And I found a cute dress at Target that I feel was at least somewhat flattering. Even if it did show off my duck-bill belly button.
However, the baby shower situation threw into stark relief for me why I do better in small groups versus large groups (i.e. 3 or 4 people versus >5). If I go to a party, one of three things will inevitably happen.
Scenario 1: I go to said gathering and I make a serious effort to talk to everyone in attendance, leaving me feeling frustrated at not having had a good conversation with any one person. By the end of the affair, I feel like everyone must think I’m a jerk for blowing them off to go and chat with someone else. Go home grumpy.
Scenario 2: I go to said gathering and spend my time having good conversations with just a few people, leaving me feeling frustrated that there were people there with whom I didn’t even get a chance to speak. By the end of the affair, I feel like everyone must think I’m a jerk for blowing them off and only speaking with a few people. Go home grumpy.
Scenario 3: I go to said gathering with the Littlest Brewster and spend all my time
using her as an excuse to hide my social anxiety wrangling her and making sure she doesn’t destroy anything or act like a total turd. Have perfunctory conversation with a few people. By the end of the affair, I feel like everyone must think I’m a jerk for bringing my toddler and not paying attention to anyone but her. Go home grumpy.
Now, those of you who have hung out with me in real life will know – I’m a fun person (in my humble opinion). I’m pretty sure that I don’t leave parties amidst general sighs of relief. I like people. I like going out. But large gatherings are just nerve wracking for me.
I’ve tried to take a page out of my sister’s book – she and John can throw a pot luck or impromptu get-together at a moment’s notice without freaking out and everyone inevitably has fun. So I’m working on calming down and enjoying things more. But it’s hard.
Maybe I’ll go out on a limb and challenge myself to have a “Meet BIT” pot luck. That could be fun, right?