I’ve been doing a lot of thinking on the subject over the last three weeks and I think I’ve come up with some modifications that would seriously improve the whole newborn baby phase.
I give you: the more convenient baby!
I: The Empty-to-Full Tummy Gauge – Takes the guesswork out of feeding your baby! Now you know exactly how much your baby needs to eat to be full and satisfied! No more half-finished bottles or short nursing sessions when your baby loses interest – you’ll be able to tell at a glance if your baby is actually hungry or just wants a paci!
II: Volume Control – Allows you to adjust the level of your baby’s cries to a more tolerable level Turn up the volume on those adorable cooing noises and bring those ear-splitting wails down enough to alert you your baby needs something without causing a migraine!
III: Sleep Timer – This one is dual function. Not only will it count down the minutes left in your baby’s nap, but it will also count down the minutes left in the “happy and awake” stage! Never miss a nap window again!
IV: Diaperless Poop and Pee Receptacle: These are handy containers that you can simply pop out, empty, and then pop back in – Think of it like a bagless vacuum for baby’s messes! No more diapers! No more diaper rash!
I also thought that maybe there should be a beer holder built into the convenient baby, but then I decided that might be pushing my luck a bit.
Wouldn’t it be amazing if babies came with these improvements?!?! I’m going to have to talk to the management around here and see if we can upgrade…