How To Discourage Unwanted Attention

I just stumbled upon a fool proof method for discouraging unwanted attention at a bar and felt obliged to share it.

If you miraculously find yourself at a bar, enjoying a beer alone and relishing the solitude, and have the misfortune to be bothered – repeatedly – by an obviously tipsy man in his 60s whose fly is not actually completely zipped up (only noticed because you are sitting and he is hovering next to your table), this is what you do:

Get out a journal or a pad of paper and a pen and say, as sincerely as possible, “I’m sorry. I’m not trying to be rude, but I’m using this break from my family to write letters to my dead mother.” (Bonus points if it’s actually true.)

Then watch as he apologizes profusely and stumbles off to harass someone else at the bar.

Works like a charm.

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Disclaimer: I thought this was actually a pretty funny incident. Hopefully that came through, lest anyone think I was crying into my beer as I wrote this.

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