To Whom It May Concern:
This letter is to express my whole-hearted recommendation of the DreadBrewer in his capacity as father and my sincere belief that he should not only continue in said role but also do so at a considerable pay raise.
The DreadBrewer is a phenomenal multi-tasker. I have seen him single-handedly make dinner for multiple ravenous and demanding individuals while singing silly songs and opening a beer to placate his tetchy wife. His ability to deal with garden aphid infestations while keeping small, common-sense-challenged people out of harm’s way is unparallelled. I don’t believe I have ever seen someone so equipped to juggling the various responsibilities of daily life.
Additionally, the DreadBrewer is well practiced at putting out the myriad small fires that crop up from day to day and minute to minute. Lost doll head? DB’s your man. Small black beetle loose in the kitchen? The DreadBrewer’s on it. Work meeting that ran over? No worries – DB’s taken care of everything. A cool head and an ability to expect the unexpected are assets in this business that the DreadBrewer certainly has to his credit.
Often times, men are judged on their ability to provide for their families. Well, anyone who has a question about DB’s ability to provide has obviously never seen our garden. The quantity, quality, and variety of fruits and vegetables he grows to provide wholesome meals for his family is mind blowing. We are such lucky, lucky people to have the DreadBrewer providing for us.
When it comes to the ability to wipe a dirty bottom, I’m not sure that I have ever seen such skill, such raw talent as the DreadBrewer’s. The way he handles the wet wipes – well, let’s just say it’s a thing of beauty to behold. Not to mention the songs he makes up about bottom-wiping and pooping that elevate the whole experience to another level.
And don’t even get me started on him and a boo-boo ouchie. I’ve never seen someone wash a skinned knee with such tenderness and care – not to mention the ability to refrain from scolding one’s child for being an idiot and trying to stand on a soccer ball in the first place.
And last but certainly not least, the DreadBrewer has an uncanny ability to read his partner and provide exactly what is needed for each situation. When I am weak and tired, he is strong. When I am serious, he is silly. When I am at my wits’ end, he scrapes up some patience and understanding. When I am happy, he joins right in. I have never met someone so capable of doing what needs to be done, without question, without comment. The ability to assess a situation and respond appropriately, without thought to one’s own personal gain, is a skill that is under-represented and under-valued in today’s society.
Please take this recommendation into account when completing the DreadBrewer’s annual evaluation as “father and partner extraordinaire”. If it were possible to give him 5+ stars, I would.