I have less than two weeks of maternity leave left. And it was sunny and 65 today. And it’s supposed to be snowy and 30 by Friday. All factors which combined to make me decide that it would be a good idea to take all three girls to the park, by myself, for the first time ever.
And not just any park. The park that has the playground on the exact opposite side of a giant oval from the parking lot, with a soccer field and a giant staircase in the middle.
So we get there and I manage to get everyone out of the car and load Itty Bitty in the stroller and the ordeal looks something like this:
-Spend 10 minutes exhorting LB and BIT to keep up while we walk to the playground, an exercise in futility that could bring even the most stoic person to tears. Seriously, they make turtles look speedy.
-Get to the playground. Settle in to one side with Itty Bitty to watch. Last 3 minutes before the Littlest Brewster informs me she has to potty.
-Coax BIT off the playground and over to the bathroom area, where she decides she has to sit on a picnic table to finish her snack while LB pees. Since I can’t leave anyone unattended, I manage to park the stroller in front of the bathroom door, monitoring LB’s potty progress with one eye and making sure BIT stays put with the other. Apply hand sanitizer all around and herd everyone back to the playground.
-Settle in with Itty Bitty, who is starting to act hungry. Get out the bottle and start feeding her. 25 seconds later, have BIT inform me she needs to poop.
-Herd everyone back to the bathroom area, where LB poops and BIT doesn’t. Apply hand sanitizer all around and herd everyone back towards the playground.
-Stop on the way back to the playground for a brief sojourn on the swings. Go back to the playground and finish feeding Itty Bitty while arguing with BIT over whether or not she’s allowed to climb the most precarious looking section of the play structure and intermittently kissing bruised knees and elbows and ankles as the big girls have an uncanny ability to hurt themselves. Last 10 minutes before BIT informs me she really needs to poop now.
-Herd everyone back to the bathroom, where BIT finally goes poop. Apply hand sanitizer all around.
-Decide we are done with the playground and spend 10 minutes lifting LB in and out of a big tree and attempting to lift BIT in and out of a big tree, only to have her chicken out every time. Finally use the fact that Itty Bitty is getting grumpy as a reason that we are going home. Now.
-Spend 10 minutes exhorting the big girls to keep up on the walk back to the car and telling them to please not stomp in every single puddle and don’t pick up other people’s trash and for the love of Pete, hurry up! Naturally Itty Bitty falls asleep 25 seconds before we make it back to the car for a much needed nap and wakes up when I go to buckle her in.
-Manage to get everyone home in one piece, without tears. Feel pretty damn proud of myself and like I definitely earned that second beer today.
And like I won’t be doing that again any time soon.